All the Things Emily Puts in Her Mouth Instead of Her Puffs



Today, for the first time ever, Emily successfully picked up a Puff, placed it in her mouth, chewed on it for a bit, and swallowed. I promptly lost my shit and Gchatted Michael in all caps OH MY GOD SHE JUST DID IT SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT MY HELP SHE PICKED UP A PUFF AND BROUGHT IT TO HER MOUTH AND CHEWED ON IT AND THEN SWALLOWED IT because this is what counts as excitement in my life now.

But when I triumphantly placed a second Puff on the tray of her high chair, she furrowed her brow and flicked it away.

I guess she’s not convinced.

I feel as if Puffs are maybe the healthy baby version of Cheetos, so I think she’s nuts. After all, I’m the type of person to bake two dozen cupcakes and eat them all singlehandedly over the course of three days. That and there are so many other things she willingly places in her mouth on a day-to-day basis:

1. A multitude of pureed-beyond-recognition fruits, such as bananas, avocados, blueberries, apples, and nectarines.

2. A dizzying array of Gerber purees that come in colors like sludge green, sludge orange, and sludge brown.

3. Formula, which—to be quite frank—smells like already spoiled milk.

4. My shoulder.

5. My finger.

6. My slippers.

7. Her Chester Cheetah doll.

8. A variety of teething toys.

9. iPhones.

10. The latest issue of Hello magazine.

11. Her left big toe.

12. Diapers (clean, of course).

13. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

14. Rattles.

15. Everything else ever.

Oh Em.


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